A traditional part of the enjoyment of attending football matches is to the banter and conversations of the spectators around you. But here Eddie Grundy suggests ten things you will never hear on the popular side at Holker St...

TEN REMARKS NOT OVERHEARD at HOLKER ST.
  1. 'I was going to go shopping today, but the wife persuaded me to come to the match!'
  2. 'Let's all give a cheer when Bastock comes out!'
  3. 'This referee's excellent. Yes, I remember his parents' wedding!'
  4. 'The manager and all our footballers know more about football than me!'
  5. 'This burger's amongst the best I have ever tasted!'
  6. 'I must find that bloke selling raffle tickets for a football!'
  7. 'That was a cracking good goal by their number nine!'
  8. 'Well played, linesman!'
  9. 'I hate it when the visiting team has a female physio!'
  10. 'Daddy, is there really a Cowps?'
Issue 029 - January 1997

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