- BRIAN KIDD (Manager of Barrow AFC 1984-85)
The best thing that can be said about him is that he
could do the job of two men - Laurel and Hardy. Having
inherited a side which began the season with a fourteen
match unbeaten run, his management saw the club slump to
eighteenth position. The words 'rats', 'sinking' and
'ships' sprung to mind when he resigned in April 1985 at
which time relegation looked a realistic possibility.
- JOHN KING (Manager of Barrow AFC 1991-92);
GRAHAM HEATHCOTE (Asst. Manager/Manager of Barrow AFC
1991-92);
BERNARD TAYLOR (Assistant Manager of Barrow AFC
1992)
When Ray Wilkie was forced to step down through ill
health in November 1991, John King took over a side which
was in a lower mid-table position, but one which was
probably capable of staying in the Conference in, er, a
lower mid-table position. Within weeks Barrow had dropped
to bottom spot and John King was spending more money on
new signings than Alex Ferguson; certainly more than the
club could afford. His assistant, Graham Heathcote, took
over at the end of the season and by November 1992 Barrow
were once again in a lower mid-table position - in the
HFS Loans League. A month later, Barrow finally said good
riddance to Heathcote and Taylor.
- PAUL BASTOCK (Boston United goalkeeper)
What a pathetic state of affairs when a supposedly mature
adult, who should be setting an example towards the
younger generation, finds something amusing about seeing
a player suffer a broken leg, and thinks it's clever to
taunt spectators about it.
- KEVIN O'BRIEN (Marine goalkeeper)
It's against the law to incite a riot, but this guy
should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the
number of times he's tried to get one going. I reckon the
Marine goalkeeper should now have a hat-trick of criminal
convictions for two-fingered gestures made at Barrow
fans.
- EMLYN HUGHES
(ex-Liverpool, ex-England, ex-TV personality, ex-(if
ever) Barrow fan)
Judas or what? Apart from turning up for the FA Trophy
semi-final against Colne Dynamos in 1990, he's never
shown any interest in Barrow, despite it being his
birthplace. Mind you, with that unique taste in sweaters,
we are better off without him.
- TERRY
HEILBRON (referee)
Once upon a time, Football League referees were of a
higher standard than those from the UniBond. Not any
longer, it seems. Besides some of his bizarre decisions
in the FA Cup match against Wigan, he alledgedly
complained to the Barrow players about 'non-League
standards.' What could he possibly have been referring
to? May we respectfully suggest that Mr. Heilbron keeps
his snide remarks to himself in future.
- DAVID MELLOR (radio presenter and ex-MP for
Putney)
Is Radio Five's 6.06 football phone-in show the worst
ever radio sports programme? It consists of plebs with
more money than sense phoning in on their mobile phone
from somewhere on the M6 to whinge about the
insignificant FA Premiership game they've just been to.
"It's not fair," they wail. "If they hadn't scored from
that corner which the ref shouldn't have given, then we
would've won. They deprived us of three points." Then
David Mellor commiserates. "I know just what you mean. I
was at the Bridge this afternoon and Chelsea faced a
similar situation." And so it goes on, ad nauseum for an
hour and a half every Saturday. Sad, sad characters, all
of them.
- VINNY JONES (ultimate rent-a-thug)
Has had more red cards than some people have had hot
dinners. In 1992 he was fined £20,000 for producing
a video which glorified thuggery on the pitch, and which
the anally retentive might find entertaining (the video,
that is, not the fine).
- PAUL GASCOIGNE (Middlesbrough and England)
First hit the headlines when he bawled his head off like
a spoilt two year-old after getting booked in the 1990
World Cup semi-final. Since then his totally unfunny,
juvenile antics have included burping into a microphone,
telling Scandinavian television viewers to
'ƒ*¢# off', wearing false breasts on an open
topped bus the day after his side had won the FA Cup, and
more recently, wrecking an aeroplane. What a twat! So it
seems that in six years he has progressed mentally from a
petulant toddler to a delinquent adolescent. Must be the
effects of fatherhood and marriage.
- ERIC CANTONA (Frenchman)
Another prima donna with no self discipline and loads of
red cards. Has a reputation for kicking spectators as
well as opposing players, yet is still portrayed as some
sort of Messiah. Or was I asleep when he walked on water,
cured the blind, raised the dead, etc.
- CYRIL WHITESIDE (former Barrow AFC
director)
Would have had Give 'Em Beans! put out of business
if he'd been allowed to have his own way. Not that he
cared much for the fans. I doubt that many tears were
shed when he resigned in 1993.
- MARGARET THATCHER (former president of Grantham
Town FC)
I know I'll probably get my wrists slapped for mentioning
politics here (It's not the politics that worry me,
Michael, it's the libel suits we'll get after we run your
article! Ed.) but the former Prime Minister tried to
introduce legislation forcing football supporters to
carry identity cards. Presumably the idea was that these
cards would contain personal data such as which team they
support, which grounds they are allowed to go to, which
games they've been thrown out of, and which type of lager
they drank last night. And this ex-president of Grantham
Town will also be rembered for turning Britain into a
Third World country.
- DAVID EVANS (former MP and Chairman of Luton Town
FC)
A neo-Thatcherite, who earned his reputation when he
introduced his own identity card scheme at Kenilworth
Road, effectively banning away team supporters from the
ground. Significantly, Luton have dropped down a division
or two in recent years. Just like David Evans.
Michael Gibson
Issue 028 - November 1996
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