The middle of March is always a time that managers and chairmen dread. For there is one day when their phones will never stop ringing. Why? Because it's transfer deadline day. The day when, if you want that player, you have to register him or else forget it until next season. Ever helpful, we asked an old friend of ours to phone a UniBond league club whose identity we cannot reveal for legal reasons, but they're in Manchester and their co-chairman and manager used to be at Barrow...
DANGEROUS DEADLINE
Hello, is that the chairman? Yes, this is DP speaking. What can I do for you? Well, I was wondering if you wanted to take advantage of my services. Pardon? I wondered if you had any place in your team for a goalkeeper. I'm looking for a team to play with until the end of the season and as it's transfer deadline day I thought I'd offer you my services in that capacity. Ah right, yes, I see. So would you want to take me on? Well, what's your experience? I've played for quite a lot of League clubs against all the greats. Stanley Matthews, Billy Wright. You might remember me from the 1953 FA Cup quarter final. Harry 'The Hands' Higginbotham Er, did you say Stanley Matthews? Yes, that's right. I thought you'd remember. So do you have a place for a goalkeeper in your team? I'm very experienced. Not really, no. You sound as though you might be a bit too old for us. Do you think so? I know I can't always see people coming towards me now, without my glasses, but I can compensate for that with my tactical sense, positioning and the know-how that I've developed during my long career in the game. Yes, I'm sure you can. I'm 69 now but I keep fit and active. I walk my two dogs around the park every day and I see all the youngsters having a kick around. I like to kick the ball back to them if it comes my way and they all shout 'Thanks, Harry'. Sometimes I get them to take shots against me but I don't like to dive for the ball any more. It's my hips, you know? Er, yes, I... er, don't think you're really right for us at the moment. Would it help if I sent you a written application? I can fax it to you before the deadline. Yes, okay, that would be good, why don't you do that. Okay, yes I will. Can I expect you to get back to me? Ermmmm, yes well, we'll have a look at your application and we'll see. That's great, thanks. Okay. Bye. Goodbye (sound of the phone being replaced in its bracket a little too enthusiastically). Issue 049 - May 2001