CLAIRE SUCKS G'EB! Woman of the Year
No doubt all you women out there with husbands and boyfriends who support Barrow AFC will be all too familiar with PMT - Post-Match Tension. You know the feeling. Barrow are at home, it's five o'clock, you're expecting him home any minute, but everything depends on whether they've won, drawn or lost. Of course, you could check the result on Teletext, but this can be very difficult to operate, so I wouldn't advise it. Instead you'll just have to rely on your feminine intuition to judge hubby's mood on his return. Have his tea ready, keep the kids quiet, and under no circumstances ask him how Barrow did outright. It is much better to wait a few minutes and say something ambiguous like "Good game?" This gives him the chance to reply without actually mentioning the result. It may be hard for him to come out and say if Barrow were beaten especially if they have just played a particularly crap side like Emley or Horwich RMI.
HARDER
Be doubly careful if it's a cup game. I won't go into details but defeats are harder to take in cup games than in ordinary league games, though some cups are more important than others. There are also Trophy games, which are also cup games, but as I say, it's all a bit complicated really. A humiliating defeat may affect his appetite, so give him time to mull it over and come to terms with it. This may take minutes, hours, days or weeks so don't go rushing him into eating his tea - you can always heat it up later (thank God for microwaves, eh girls?). Of course, victory is not without its problems as you will be forced to endure stories of through balls by Oldroyd, shots from Brady, great saves by Senior, last ditch tackles and dubious refereeing decisions. Don't encourage him by asking questions; just smile and say yes every few minutes. Hopefully if you follow this advice PMT will be less stressful.
HOME AND AWAY
Away games, especially in winter, need some preparation. Make sure both his home and away replica shirts are washed, ironed and aired. Although they have a special shirt for away games, sometimes they wear the same shirt away so you have to have both of them ready. If you just have one done it's bound to be the wrong one and he will probably sulk for a week. A cooked breakfast is essential for away games so make sure you have plenty of sausages, bacon and eggs in. It will also help to prepare a flask of tea and sandwiches - best done the night before to avoid any rush in the morning. Four cans of his favourite beer are also welcome, especially for long return journeys. If he's driving, forget the beer but make sure all the shopping is done before Saturday and fill the car up with petrol so there can be no last minute hitches. A day without hubby can have its compensations. Why not invite the girls round for a Tupperware party? Their new range of sandwich boxes is remarkable - get one for hubby! Clint Wags Issue 018 - December 1993