Give ’Em Beans! - Rest of the Best

COLIN COWPERTHWAITE

Is Cowps God or What?

Remember back to 10 December 1977, Barrow away to South Liverpool. Not a thrilling fixture, but to those of us who can recollect, it was the day a remarkable, unique and record breaking career with Barrow AFC was launched.

Having seen the result appear on the fabulous BBC teleprinter and after doing my cartwheels and punching the air for ten minutes, the thought of who scored the goals crept into my brain. The only way to find out was to go to the paper shop and buy a Pink Final. Foster, Thomas, and the youngster COWPERTHWAITE 2. An impressive start but none of us (the 300 or so who followed Barrow then) could have imagined what more was to come.

Here we are twelve seasons later after over 575 appearances and more than 250 goals, and the big farmer is still going strong(ish). I first remember seeing Colin play against Workington. His speed, control and superb ability to hold the ball were second to none, and still are. All right, so he may have lost some of his speed and acceleration! But his ability to take the p¡$$ out of defenders hasn't been lost.

Cowperthwaite is a pretty long name as names go, and even Cowps is longer than the other obvious alternative - GOD. If by any remote chance somebody reading this can't see the connection it is a sign of a great deficiency in their character.

Over the years God has had some famous battles with centre-halves. Some aren't worth mentioning, so I won't. Others spring readily to mind - Seddon, Richardson, Howell, that bloodless creature Adamson, all good, fair, centre-halves. Then there was that jolly Christmas tussle with good old Seamus Horgan from Wealdstone. That incident apart God has had a fairly clean career, not one without some provocation, but he has always been able to laugh or sneer at intimidatory opponents.

It's been said that various other clubs have offered God very lucrative contracts to sign for them, Chelsea, West Bromwich Albion, Morecambe and West Allotment Celtic to name a few. It's true to say that God has turned his back on them all. It's also fair to add that never once has his contract with Barrow got in the way of his pre-season training. (Has it Colin?)

I know we've all got our favourite moments and personal memories of our illustrious no. 9, so I'm afraid I'm going to bore you with mine:

The goal at North Shields in the FA Cup in 1982. A better goal you couldn't wish to see - ever.

The time at Netherfield in 1978 when Colin (lying prostrate on their goalkeeper) unfortunately coughed and spat on him.

The only time God has ever smiled - when he farted at Telford on 6 November 1982 - an unforgettable sight.

The first goal scored against Yeovil Town in our first ever game in the Alliance Premier League. A fine diving header!

After having watched God play for so long, often brilliantly, never worse than average, and scoring a few goals, I still find it difficult to understand that some supporters (sic) actually find time and have the audacity to give God a hard time. What more do these cabbages want? All I would like to say to them is "GROW A DICK!"

To finish I'd just like to say simply "Thank you God."

While compiling this article on Colin 'God' Cowperthwaite Give 'Em Beans! was able to get in touch with a few people to ask for their comments on God. These are some of the replies we received:

Mrs Thatcher
(Prime Minister of Great Britain):
"Colin reminds me a great deal of my dear Dennis."

Bobby Robson
(England football team manager):
"The boy obviously has class and in time could develop."

Robert 'Bob' Runcie
(Archbishop of Canterbury):
"ƒ*¢#¡>¿ class!"

Brian Kidd (jerk):
"Who?"

Finbarr Saunders (cartoon character):
"He sticks it in well, fnarr, fnarr!"

Kenny Gordon (cultured centre-back):
"Tell him to get to the bar."

Give 'Em Beans! would like to thank everyone who was kind enough to give us their opinion.

Phil McMenemy
Issue 001 - January 1990

COLIN COWPERTHWAITE Is Cowps God or What?
Remember back to 10 December 1977, Barrow away to South Liverpool. Not a thrilling fixture, but to those of us who can recollect, it was the day a remarkable, unique and record breaking career with Barrow AFC was launched. Having seen the result appear on the fabulous BBC teleprinter and after doing my cartwheels and punching the air for ten minutes, the thought of who scored the goals crept into my brain. The only way to find out was to go to the paper shop and buy a Pink Final. Foster, Thomas, and the youngster COWPERTHWAITE 2. An impressive start but none of us (the 300 or so who followed Barrow then) could have imagined what more was to come. Here we are twelve seasons later after over 575 appearances and more than 250 goals, and the big farmer is still going strong(ish). I first remember seeing Colin play against Workington. His speed, control and superb ability to hold the ball were second to none, and still are. All right, so he may have lost some of his speed and acceleration! But his ability to take the p¡$$ out of defenders hasn't been lost. Cowperthwaite is a pretty long name as names go, and even Cowps is longer than the other obvious alternative - GOD. If by any remote chance somebody reading this can't see the connection it is a sign of a great deficiency in their character. Over the years God has had some famous battles with centre-halves. Some aren't worth mentioning, so I won't. Others spring readily to mind - Seddon, Richardson, Howell, that bloodless creature Adamson, all good, fair, centre-halves. Then there was that jolly Christmas tussle with good old Seamus Horgan from Wealdstone. That incident apart God has had a fairly clean career, not one without some provocation, but he has always been able to laugh or sneer at intimidatory opponents. It's been said that various other clubs have offered God very lucrative contracts to sign for them, Chelsea, West Bromwich Albion, Morecambe and West Allotment Celtic to name a few. It's true to say that God has turned his back on them all. It's also fair to add that never once has his contract with Barrow got in the way of his pre-season training. (Has it Colin?) I know we've all got our favourite moments and personal memories of our illustrious no. 9, so I'm afraid I'm going to bore you with mine: The goal at North Shields in the FA Cup in 1982. A better goal you couldn't wish to see - ever. The time at Netherfield in 1978 when Colin (lying prostrate on their goalkeeper) unfortunately coughed and spat on him. The only time God has ever smiled - when he farted at Telford on 6 November 1982 - an unforgettable sight. The first goal scored against Yeovil Town in our first ever game in the Alliance Premier League. A fine diving header! After having watched God play for so long, often brilliantly, never worse than average, and scoring a few goals, I still find it difficult to understand that some supporters (sic) actually find time and have the audacity to give God a hard time. What more do these cabbages want? All I would like to say to them is "GROW A DICK!" To finish I'd just like to say simply "Thank you God." While compiling this article on Colin 'God' Cowperthwaite Give 'Em Beans! was able to get in touch with a few people to ask for their comments on God. These are some of the replies we received:
Mrs Thatcher (Prime Minister of Great Britain): "Colin reminds me a great deal of my dear Dennis."	Bobby Robson (England football team manager): "The boy obviously has class and in time could develop."
Robert 'Bob' Runcie (Archbishop of Canterbury): "ƒ*¢#¡>¿ class!"	Brian Kidd (jerk): "Who?"
Finbarr Saunders (cartoon character): "He sticks it in well, fnarr, fnarr!"	Kenny Gordon (cultured centre-back): "Tell him to get to the bar."
Give 'Em Beans! would like to thank everyone who was kind enough to give us their opinion.

COLIN COWPERTHWAITE

Is Cowps God or What?

Phil McMenemy Issue 001 - January 1990

Phil McMenemy
Issue 001 - January 1990