HOLKER STREET I-SPY
Some of the home games this season have been less than riveting, with the result that the crowd have been forced to make their own entertainment. So with the same old UniBond teams preparing to visit again next season, and just in case you tire of abusing the referee or bantering with the spectators behind you, you might like to amuse yourself with the following game of I-Spy. Once you have collected all the points you can claim your star prize in front of the press box from Big Chief I-Spy (Easily recognisable from his catchphrase of "Wakey Wakey Barrow!"). The Old Man of Coniston (Easy, because it's always there unless you can't see it because of low cloud or excess alcohol). 1 point. Flying ducks or geese (any variety). 2 points. Glider and towing plane. 3 points. Distress flares over Walney Channel (night games only). 5 points. Head injury to Chris Speak (max. 3 per game). 1 point. One or more cormorants (bigger than a shag but not as much fun). 2 points. A goal by Andy Green (as rare as a hen's tooth so 10 points, but it doesn't count if you were watching the Old Man of Coniston when he scored it). 10 points. A good referee (there was one at Holker St. once but the fan who remembered him has since died). 10 points. Less than 100% effort from Neil Morton (trick question because it's impossible). 5 points. Long slow load along Wilkie Road (not common but can be more exciting than the game). 5 points. The club doctor. If seen when not needed 1 point; if seen when player is injured 10 points. A Bolton Wanderers supporter (there is at least one but he tends to keep a low profile when the half time scores are read out). 5 points. Finally, you can always watch the traffic lights changing at the junction of Holker St. and Wilkie Road. No points for this; it's just for fun if the match is as dull as they have been recently. Eddie Grundy Issue 026 - May 1996