TEN THINGS to DO in
LONG, BORING, HOT, BORING SUMMER

There goes the summer and thank Cowps for that! Isn't summer boring, what with no football and all that heat? At least 1990 wasn't so bad with Barrow's Wembley visit and the World Cup effectively extending the season, but next year it'll be back to the usual long slow drag of colourless cricket and tiresome tennis. So in anticipation of all that coming around again, we came up with a few suggestions for how you might like to pass the time more profitably next summer.

  1. Hibernate.

  2. Buy a satellite TV dish and watch baseball games.

  3. Make up an imaginary GM Vauxhall Conference like they used to for Barclays League games in the Sunday Sport.

  4. In this imaginary Conference have Liverpool holding up the table with one point from 42 games and a goal difference of minus 299, Arsenal just above them and any other team you don't like third from bottom.

  5. Go to the beach. Any beach will do, except those downwind of Sellafield.

  6. Buy a computer with lots and lots of memory and use it to try and estimate the number of times Colin Cowperthwaite took the ball towards the corner flag in games where we were one goal up with about forty minutes to go. (They've said for years that God Works In Mysterious Ways. This finally proves it!)

  7. Temporarily emigrate to Australia.

  8. Go to the cinema on hot days just to be perverse. Better still, stay at home and watch a video of FA Trophy Final 1990.

  9. Be absolutely certain that you remain in complete ignorance about Wimbledon fortnight and make sure that anyone who tries to engage you in conversation about this reprehensible subject gets the abuse they deserve.

  10. Write a stack of articles for the coming season of Give 'Em Beans!
Issue 004 - September 1990

back
top

next