In the last couple of seasons, the influx of foreign players into the English game has turned from a trickle into a torrent. Though Barrow AFC have remained aloof from this trend, that's not for the want of trying, as we reveal exclusively in...
The STORY of YU and HU
"We've got those two international Chinese footballers for you Owen." It was the Barrow AFC secretary, Pat Brewer shouting down the corridor of the Sports and Leisure Club towards the open door of the manager's office. "Send 'em in," Brown shouted back. He was sitting behind his cluttered desk and was just replacing the phone onto its rest having enquired about the loan availability of a certain centre forward with league club Notts County. The fresh faced Chinese lads moved uncertainly into Brown's office and stood in front of his desk. "Have a seat," he invited. Peering at the taller, more confident looking one of the two he turned to him and asked "Now, what's your name?" "Ah, Miha Blau. It velly nice to be he-ah at Ballow-in-Fu... honolable fuh'bor crub. My name i' Man Yu. An' my fren he-ah i' Mr. Hu." "Yes. Nice to see you both here. Now, how are you finding England?" "Turn light at Carais, Miha Blau. But I velly di-appointeh." "Why's that, Man Yu?" "I been he-ah thlee week but I no go out with Spi Girl yet." "Well, don't worry about that now. There'll be plenty of time for it later. You've both done very well in training so I'm going to name you as substitutes for Saturday's game. But Hu's on first." "Why yu askin' me who on first? I don' bruddy know!" "I know you don't know. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Hu's on first." "You manager. You should know!" replied Man Yu, somewhat confused. "No, you're not the manager and you don't know, but I am and I DO KNOW!" Brown was shouting now, equally uncertain as to exactly what this conversation was about. "Okay boh, don' loo your hai-ah." Brown addressed the other man. 'Now, Mr. Hu, you will be on first." "Light boh!' Man Yu replied, 'I go on fir. You no be di'appointed, boh." "No Man Yu, Hu will go on first." "Now you askin' me again! I no unnerstan'." "Oh, this is hopeless. What chance have you got of forming much of a partnership up front if I can't even get you to understand when I want you to go on?" "Ah, Andy Mutch. We velly wanna pray wi' him. He top man fuh'borer. No probrem, boh. We okay. We pray much better. Or e tha' better wi' Mutch? Your Engri ranglage velly hard." "Oh, this is hopeless. Pat, you'd better see if Crystal Palace are still interested in these guys." "Ah, Cryta Pawa; sound intellehting, boh!" Issue 038 - January 1999 Accents attempted to be improved on by the Online Ed and made even more unintelligible