BODY of FOOTBALL TEAM FOUND in CONFERENCE
The body of a football team was found washed up today on the shores of the Vauxhall Conference, 25 years after it first disappeared from non-League football. Police said last night that they were '90% certain' of being able to identify the body as that of Hereford United. An appeal has been made for any supporters of Hereford United to contact police so that arrangements can be made to identify the body. No one has yet come forward. Last night people in Hereford told of their mixed emotions on hearing the news. "As days go by, our thoughts are closing in that it might be them. But, frankly, none of us gives a toss. They didn't do anything in Division Three and it would probably have been better if they had stayed in non-League where they belong. At least this will end all the waiting and uncertainty." Forensic scientists have matched fragments of the body to old records but final identification may not be possible until they finish bottom of the Vauxhall Conference. Police are interviewing two suspects, both of which are football teams from seaside towns beginning with the letter 'B'. One of them, Brighton and Hove Albion, was seen lurking around the edges of the Conference last season and witnesses claim to have noticed a torrid ninety minute encounter between Brighton and Hereford around the first Saturday of last May. "It was always going to end in tears," said one, who wished to remain anonymous. "It could have been either one of them, but in the end, it seemed that Brighton wanted to preserve their league status more than Hereford." The other suspects, a team from North West England were last involved with Hereford 25 years ago when they first disappeared from non-League. "We had nothing to do with it," a spokesman said. "I know they stole our rightful place in the Football League from us, but we are just glad to see them back. We hope they stay in non-League for a very long time and that in due course, they will resume their proper place in the Dr. Martens League. By which time we will be in the Third Division. We can't wait to play them in the Conference next season. Our supporters are already up for it." No one could be found to say a good word about Hereford. Issue 034 - April 1998