You'll no doubt have heard the expression 'Cowps is God!' Here's why...

SOPHIST's CHOICE

Why Cowps is God

It may seem absolutely incredible, but from time to time people do still actually stop us on the street and ask us 'So who is this Cowps and why is he God, then?' As if his triumphant return to the side on Boxing Day against Fleetwood Town wasn't the only reply they could possibly need!

Well, if that's not good enough for them we will now settle the argument once and for all and prove beyond any shadow of doubt that there is no other God but God... er, Cowps that is.

How? All we have to do is quote the very famous Mr Rene Descartes, whose statement 'I think, therefore I am' is a cornerstone of modern philosophy. If this were to be written in the form of an equation, it would probably say something like thinking = being. Now if my memory of 'O' level algebra serves me right, new elements can be introduced to an equation as long as it remains balanced. This is done by adding them to both sides. So if y = z, then x+y = x+z. So what if in this case x represents the words 'Cowps is God'? The equation has now developed into 'thinking Cowps is God = Cowps being God' and Descartes proclamation becomes, quite properly, 'I think Cowps is God, therefore Cowps is God.'

'Oh yes; very inventive!' the more cynical among you might say. Quite. But wasn't it Voltaire who said: 'If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him.' We just did. That same writer also said: 'God is on the side, not of the heavy batallions, but of the best shots.' Very apt. Doesn't this explain why the only club God ever wanted to play for was Barrow? I rest my case. What more do you need?

Issue 015 - March 1993

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Next: That unlikely forward line combination of Proudhon and Euclid get together to explain why the chances of getting the ball off Neil Doherty in full flight are less than zero.