Yes, believe it or not, but it's true. The National Zigger, that fine publication of the Barrow AFC National Supporters Club, doesn't print all the contributions that it gets. The match report of the away game against Matlock was one such article. Like TV Erotica, it was too hot to handle. Or maybe it just wasn't as good as the report that was published. We at Beans! have no such worries. So here in its full, unexpurgated version, is the match report they didn't want you to read...
MATLOCK TOWN 0 BARROW 4 UniBond League Premier Division 16 September 1995 by Graham Murphy
If Matlock beat Knowsley 8-0, and Barrow beat Knowsley 7-0, does that mean Matlock are one goal better than Barrow? No. It just means that Knowsley are crap and will be playing in NPL Division One next season. On this showing, Matlock will be joining them. Perhaps their groundsman's moved the goalposts since they rattled in those eight. Or perhaps their forwards forgot to wear their contact lenses. Or maybe they're being sponsored by Virgin. Whatever the reason, the fact was that Matlock just couldn't score. If they'd been playing a team of eleven dustbins until ten to five next Saturday it's doubtful if they'd manage to get the ball in the back of the net. Their finishing was woeful. Inept. Pathetic. This was just as well for Barrow, who looked as though they were still recovering from their journey. Or perhaps they were admiring the pretty view of the castle on the hill behind the goal and the church tower peeping over the treetops. In any event, Matlock's domination of the first 25 minutes was so complete that Barrow hardly got out of their own half. We feared the worst. Was the inexplicable home loss to Bamber Bridge going to be followed by another defeat? We had reckoned without the wastefulness of Matlock's front line. Their motto was shoot it anywhere. Over the bar, wide of either post; they even tried direct hits on the corner flag. They couldn't even do that properly. So it was somewhat against the run of play after 27 minutes when Hoskins ran down the left wing, beat the defender, and crossed to Smith. He played the ball into the centre for Humphreys to shoot the ball into the net for Barrow's first goal. 1-0 up on just about the first attack. No one in the ground could quite believe it, least of all Harrison in the Matlock goal who was making his first appearance of the season. It'll probably be his last, too. He should really have gone for the cross before it reached Smith. Matlock gently subsided from this point. All that effort and nothing to show for it. And now one goal down. Life's so unfair. Especially when Barrow scored again just seven minutes later. Again, Hoskins started the attack with a long ball down the left wing to Morton. He took the ball almost to the bye line and crossed for Smith to score on his debut for Barrow. The game died at this point. Matlock were still unable to get the ball on target in their occasional attacks. Barrow knew they'd done enough against moderate opposition to be certain of all three points. Smith put the game beyond doubt after 67 minutes when he intercepted a backpass, dribbled into the area and shot wide of the goalie. The ball went into the net just inside the post for Smith's second and Barrow's third. Jimmy Brown got the fourth with a twenty yarder three minutes before the end, after getting the ball from Bleasdale. Hesketh gave all three subs a run out at the end, taking Morton, Parker and Todhunter off for Horrigan, Bleasdale and Dobie. Harrold and Parker played well in defence, but must have been relieved to have survived the first 25 minutes. Hoskin and Humphreys were outstanding in midfield, and Morton ran his socks off in attack. But Barrow's best players were Kennedy and Speak for their contribution to the defence and for their moves forward down either side of midfield which launched most of Barrow's attacks. So Barrow kept their 100% away record. Four wins out of four. It's the season to be an away supporter. Now if Hesketh can just do something about the home form we'll be top of the league by Christmas. Originally appeared as 'The Match Report They Didn't Want You to Read' in issue 024 - January 1996