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Give Em Beans » Funnies

Archive for the ‘Funnies’ Category

SUN EXCLUSIVE

Saturday, June 21st, 2008

HENNEY: MY BARROW HELL

By our online editor Dalt Bluetop

Sources close to midfield hotshot Matt Henney have exclusively revealed to The Sun his private hell at his new club.

News of Henney’s torment comes just one year after his move from hometown club Workington to neighbours Barrow AFC last summer. 

Henney has enjoyed a red-hot season with the Bluebirds, ending the season high in the scoring charts. But all is not well according to unofficial spokesmen. Matt’s hairdresser, 48, talked candidly to The Sun about the winger’s travel fears. “He’s definitely not going to like going to Torquay on a Tuesday night. That’s a long journey, you know. And on a Tuesday? He won’t like that”. 

TREPIDATION

Goal-king Matt – who signed a fresh contract for AFC last season – will be playing in front of crowds as high as 5,000 next term. But sources close to the Egremont-based forward claim he is full of trepidation ahead of the big August kick-off. “Travelling is a big thing for Matt,” said an unnamed local man. “Apparently they’ll be playing Torquay next season and if that particular away game falls on a Tuesday, well, who knows what he might think of that?”  

STRESS

Fan favourite Matt, who scored the winner in Barrow’s playoff final triumph over Stalybridge, has his own chant dedicated to him by the Holker Street faithful. But the hassle of his new fans is causing a wave of stress for the right sided ace. “He’s a nice lad is Matt, but whenever he scores he gets mobbed by supporters, and all the attention is affecting his game,” said a friend of the family. 

FEAR 

The midfielder’s goals helped clinch promotion for the unfancied Bluebirds, but friends of the star fear he may not be able to make the next step. “Have you seen the fixtures for next season? Torquay! That’s miles away. It’s not just Torquay either. Weymouth. Eastbourne. Woking. Matt doesn’t like travelling you know”, claimed an online correspondent.

The well travelled Henney, who has played in Scotland as well as England, was unavailable for comment at the time The Sun went to press. 

Do you have an unsubstantiated football story? Why not post it on an online message board?

10 distinctions between Barrow & Workington (submitted by ANON)

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

1. Barrow wear Blue & White – Workington wear red to match their embarrassment.

2. Workington is in Cumbria – Barrow is really in Lancashire (look at our postcode for Cowps sake)

3. Barrow is a footballing town – our great sons are England Internationals, Emlyn Hughes and Gary Stevens. Workington is a rugby town as their only notable is Mark Cueto an England rugby player (there is Scott Dobie I suppose but he’s not good enough to play for England so decided to become a ‘sweaty sock’ anyway)

4. Workington lost their place in the football league to Wimbledon. We never actually lost ours – we were cheated out of it and it was given to Hereford (who are really Welsh so should be playing in that rubbish league with Total Networks Southampton and CPD Ruth Maddock).

5. Workington are nicknamed The Reds – how long did it take to come up with that one? Barrow are the Bluebirds – yes it relates to our colours too but at least we’ve added a bit on the end to make it interesting.

6. Barrow rhymes with cool words like Arrow, Sparrow & Mia Farrow – Workington doesn’t rhyme with anything.

7. I love Barrow – I hate Workington.

8. But not as much as I hate Hereford.

9. And Stephen Vaughan for that matter.

10. I hate Workington – oh, I’ve said that … never mind, it deserves to be repeated.

Lost:

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

Lost, in the Warwick Road area of Carlisle: A substantial lead. Potential sightings in and around the Nottingham region. Reward: family membership to the Eddie Stobart fanclub. Contact CUFC, Brunton Park, Carlisle.

Coastguard scrambled in search for missing 150 Telford fans

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

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Barrow 4 Telford 0

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

After a successful trial at Barrow on Saturday, AFC Telford take great pleasure in unveiling a new addition to the AFC Telford shop.


From the Telford shop…

Did we mention Barrow 4 Telford 0? Just checking.